Dear Computer Thief

You broke into my home in the wee hours of the morning, Wednesday June 6th. You stole my computer. You also stole my husband's cell phone, but obviously you figured out we were asking the police to trace the cell phone using the GPS locator in all newer cell phones these days, so you threw the phone back into our backyard Thursday afternoon.
I do not have anything interesting on my computer: I do not have bank account numbers, credit card information, not even my social security number. The morning of the theft, I used my work computer to change all my passwords to my email, webpages, everything, so you can't even read my emails, with the exception of those I kept on my computer.
I hope you enjoy the pictures of my family. The births of both of my children, their first cries, my son's first crawl, first steps, pictures of my parents, baby showers, birthdays. None of this is important to you, but it's extremely important to me.
I hope you enjoy reading my papers I've written for my various college classes. I hope you like my music, although I seriously doubt you'll be listening to classical music. Can you even pronounce Stravinsky?
I hope you like my recipe database, which I seemed to have missed in my backups. When you look at my checking account register, you'll be doubly frustrated to realize that I don't have any money in my checking account, so even if the account numbers were on the computer, you couldn't get any money out of them. You can't re-sell the computer to any reputable store, as the computer's serial number is flagged as stolen.
I suspect that my cat startled you and you left with such a small bounty. Rest assured, if you come back, I will kill you. I have a newborn and a toddler in my home, and you were armed with a knife to break into my home. I will defend my children with deadly force without hesitation. I replaced my laptop, and I purchased Lo-Jack in this laptop. Yes, they have Lo-Jack for laptop computers. Thanks to the financial burden of replacing my computer, my children will not be able to play in a fenced-in backyard. The two thousand dollars required to replace this machine would have purchased a fence for my backyard. Thank you so much for making my life significantly more difficult, not just financially, but now I must walk around my house, continually angry, thinking like I'm going to be robbed again tonight. I now sleep incredibly lightly. I now have motion detector floodlights outside my home. I've changed all the locks on the doors, and added second locks to the windows. This is a wonderfully peaceful, sleepy bedroom community in a quiet suburb. But to me, it is now a vulnerable area in a war zone, requiring immediate and continual fortification.
I hope you rot in hell.