Lost a friend? Say it ain't so!
Tonight was laundry night. I figured I'd try and catch up on phone calls, since my son was home asleep with dad, and my daughter was somewhat asleep in her car seat. I called my best friend. Or perhaps former best friend.
I called to just plain old catch up. I had asked her how things were going with her, and she asked if I had read her blog lately. Well, no, I hadn't. I have a 28-month old and an 11-week old, I'm working full time and going to school part time. That leaves less than no time to read blogs. I don't even have time to write in my own blog! Alas, she was a little annoyed that I hadn't read her blog. I apologized for not having the time to read her blog, and asked her to fill me in. So she did. She mentioned what was going on, and that she was planning on having a baby soon. I joked that she should think again, since my daughter had woken up and started screaming. She didn't take it as a joke, unfortunately and started giving me a speech about how she knows exactly what she's getting in to. Okay, my bad, I obviously didn't make it clear that it was a joke. So I tried to put a spin on it, saying it was a fairly bad day. She said she knew, that I only called when things went wrong and I needed reassurance, never when things were okay. Ouch, that hurt even more.
So I attempted to turn this conversation around, and said I was excited to help her have her baby. Nope, she said I wasn't going to be there, since I had screwed up her bachelorette party so badly. That was it - my heart was just ripped out at this point.
I was 9 weeks pregnant at her wedding, and was maid of honor. She asked for nothing - she did everything herself. She never even called for reassurances. I was supposed to plan her Bachelorette party, but her sister-in-law offered to plan her Bachelorette party, and I agreed, since I was trying to work, go to school, raise my 18-month old son, and somehow stay pregnant (I was having pain and spot-bleeding, so a miscarriage was a big concern). Well, the Bachelorette party was very nice. We had a little Henna body-painting party, and ate a ton of food at her sister-in-law's house. But she wanted the whole movie-style Bachelorette party, with the excessive drinking, and young men in G-strings gyrating on your lap while you slap their buns and stuff dollar bills down their almost nonexistent underwear. Well, that's not what the sister-in-law planned, and I unfortunately didn't get involved in the planning of the Bachelorette party. Even I was surprised that there wasn't any good old objectification of men at this party. But that was really my fault for not making sure what she wanted was in the Bachelorette party plans. So now, I feel like I've lost a friend because I dropped the ball on this Bachelorette party. I also feel terrible that she thinks I only call her when something's wrong. Even though there wasn't anything wrong, I was just trying to get in a little conversation in one of my rare windows of opportunity for a possibly uninterrupted telephone call.
So now, I sit here feeling like I've let my best friend down so significantly that I might have permanently damaged the relationship. I already have problems with lasting friendships with women. I seem to only be able to have lasting friendships with men. I don't relate to women very well, so when I developed this friendship 14 years ago, I was thrilled to finally have a female friend. Now, I think I've completely ruined it. I feel just terrible.
So what do I do? I was thinking of possibly arranging a big party to a male strip club around her first anniversary (June). But now I seem to be second-guessing everything I want to do to make it up to her. Will this just be seen as a cheap attempt to "win" back her friendship? I'm crushed that I've lost her over this, and I just don't know if anything I do will ever make it up to her. I guess I'll call her husband tomorrow some time and see what he thinks I should do.
I've been wrapped up in trying to spend time with my kids for the past 2 1/2 years, and I've neglected my best friend because I chose family first. I just don't think it's fair that I have to choose between the two. Why is it that we have to sacrifice our friendships to maintain a close family? I can see why parents of young children only have friends who are parents of young children - they can both empathize and sympathize with situations like this.
From seeing my last post, it's obvious I haven't reserved any time for myself in my life. I've sacrificed not only my friends, but my own sanity time in my day for my family. Well, perhaps this phone call will at least kick me into taking back a little time out of my days for myself. It's obvious that I desperately need it in order to preserve my sanity!
I called to just plain old catch up. I had asked her how things were going with her, and she asked if I had read her blog lately. Well, no, I hadn't. I have a 28-month old and an 11-week old, I'm working full time and going to school part time. That leaves less than no time to read blogs. I don't even have time to write in my own blog! Alas, she was a little annoyed that I hadn't read her blog. I apologized for not having the time to read her blog, and asked her to fill me in. So she did. She mentioned what was going on, and that she was planning on having a baby soon. I joked that she should think again, since my daughter had woken up and started screaming. She didn't take it as a joke, unfortunately and started giving me a speech about how she knows exactly what she's getting in to. Okay, my bad, I obviously didn't make it clear that it was a joke. So I tried to put a spin on it, saying it was a fairly bad day. She said she knew, that I only called when things went wrong and I needed reassurance, never when things were okay. Ouch, that hurt even more.
So I attempted to turn this conversation around, and said I was excited to help her have her baby. Nope, she said I wasn't going to be there, since I had screwed up her bachelorette party so badly. That was it - my heart was just ripped out at this point.
I was 9 weeks pregnant at her wedding, and was maid of honor. She asked for nothing - she did everything herself. She never even called for reassurances. I was supposed to plan her Bachelorette party, but her sister-in-law offered to plan her Bachelorette party, and I agreed, since I was trying to work, go to school, raise my 18-month old son, and somehow stay pregnant (I was having pain and spot-bleeding, so a miscarriage was a big concern). Well, the Bachelorette party was very nice. We had a little Henna body-painting party, and ate a ton of food at her sister-in-law's house. But she wanted the whole movie-style Bachelorette party, with the excessive drinking, and young men in G-strings gyrating on your lap while you slap their buns and stuff dollar bills down their almost nonexistent underwear. Well, that's not what the sister-in-law planned, and I unfortunately didn't get involved in the planning of the Bachelorette party. Even I was surprised that there wasn't any good old objectification of men at this party. But that was really my fault for not making sure what she wanted was in the Bachelorette party plans. So now, I feel like I've lost a friend because I dropped the ball on this Bachelorette party. I also feel terrible that she thinks I only call her when something's wrong. Even though there wasn't anything wrong, I was just trying to get in a little conversation in one of my rare windows of opportunity for a possibly uninterrupted telephone call.
So now, I sit here feeling like I've let my best friend down so significantly that I might have permanently damaged the relationship. I already have problems with lasting friendships with women. I seem to only be able to have lasting friendships with men. I don't relate to women very well, so when I developed this friendship 14 years ago, I was thrilled to finally have a female friend. Now, I think I've completely ruined it. I feel just terrible.
So what do I do? I was thinking of possibly arranging a big party to a male strip club around her first anniversary (June). But now I seem to be second-guessing everything I want to do to make it up to her. Will this just be seen as a cheap attempt to "win" back her friendship? I'm crushed that I've lost her over this, and I just don't know if anything I do will ever make it up to her. I guess I'll call her husband tomorrow some time and see what he thinks I should do.
I've been wrapped up in trying to spend time with my kids for the past 2 1/2 years, and I've neglected my best friend because I chose family first. I just don't think it's fair that I have to choose between the two. Why is it that we have to sacrifice our friendships to maintain a close family? I can see why parents of young children only have friends who are parents of young children - they can both empathize and sympathize with situations like this.
From seeing my last post, it's obvious I haven't reserved any time for myself in my life. I've sacrificed not only my friends, but my own sanity time in my day for my family. Well, perhaps this phone call will at least kick me into taking back a little time out of my days for myself. It's obvious that I desperately need it in order to preserve my sanity!
posted by Mama Padawan | 7:24 PM
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